Month: September 2014

Hands that built

This is going to be a deep survey. you ready?
– Yes I am I love surveys if you hadn’t noticed…
What are you doing tomorrow?
– School and then practice with our band for 2hrs and then just study I hope.
Have you met anybody that changed your life?
– I think the majority makes some sort of impact, some bigger some smaller.
Delete a year of your life, or start over in a new town?
– Start over in a new town
Anyone you’re giving up on?
– I’d like to say no. I usually don’t give up on people even when I should.
Do you like little kids?
– I like babies and I do want kids of my own,and I like babysitting so yea I guess so.
Would you want to know the date of your death?
– Nope
Would you rather have long or short hair?
– Long!! Even though my hair gets messy sooo easily I wouldn’t cut it short.
Who pissed you off yesterday?
– My little sister.
You love math right?
– Heck no
Are you one of those people who are always cold?
– I’m one of those people who’s almost always hot or cold, there’s no nice in between for me.
Is your cell phone a touch screen phone?
– Yes
Will you be in a relationship in 4 months?
– I hope so but I have no idea
Who did you last cry in front of?
– Myself lol so no one
Angry at anyone?
– Frustrated, nota angry
Is it hard to make you laugh?
– Haha no, I’m a very laugh-y person
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
– Not really, but sometimes people think I’m pissed when I’m not??
Do you hate the last female you had a conversation with?
– Nope I don’t talk to people I hate???
Where would you like to live other than where you are?
– The US, San fransisco or New york, or then Stockholm,Sweden or Turku,Finland.
Do you throw up gang signs?
– Haha no
What are you listening to rite now?
– Just turned off my speakers, was listening to 1D for the first time in ages.
What’s your favorite color?
– Black
When did you meet the last male you texted?
– When did I meet or when did I last see him? Saw him when we went shopping like two weeks ago, and met him when we started 7th grade
Are you currently looking forward to anything?
– Ed Sheeran’s concert, my own concert, when the guy in the previous question is coming over to see my “new” room, aaand probably loads of other things I’m excited about too.
Do you want to cut your hair?
– I don’t really mind not doing it, but also wouldn’t mind doing it.
Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
– Something… I guess friends? Technically.
Do you have trust issues?
– I think not
Was the first person you talked to today male or female?
– Sister
How’s your life lately?
– It’s allright
Are you currently in a relationship?
– No
Did you do anything productive today?
– Well I helped my sister move
Would you ever get a tattoo?
– I have one
Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex?
– The guys I usually fall for have always been blonde but then my celebcrushes are almost always darkhaired?? So Idk…
Kiss a boy whose name starts with a S?
– Have I ever? Yes
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
– Hope not
What did you do for your last birthday?
– Had a party, went to a club, and blacked out XD good times… Hrrm..
Have you ever felt like someone of the opposite sex truly cared about you?
– Yes
When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
– Ummmm on friday if my dad doesn’t cound
Do you know anyone that smokes weed?
– Yes
Do you have a YouTube account?
– No
What do you want for your birthday?
– Love hehe that’s so cheesy. Also I’ll probably want IKEA giftcards for when I’ll be moving out.
Is there anyone who doesn’t like you?
– I’m sure there are those who don’t.
Who did you spend your summer with last year?
– Last year… I guess my best friends and my family? Nothing special
Where did you get the pants you’re wearing?
– Leopard pajamaleggings, my grandma gave them to me for christmas. I adore them.
Are you happy?
– Something like that
Is anything bothering you?
– A few things but nothing major
Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed?
– The bus
Are you in a good mood right now?
– Okay
Do you want kids?
– Yes
Do you think that you have made a difference in someones life?
– I think so
Does the last person who texted you make you smile?
– Depends on the day 😀 usually yeah
Will this weekend be a good one?
– I hope so
Who was your first crush?
– A guy who then moved to England
Are you in a complicated relationship?
– Not really haha, it’s complicated so idk hahaha
How many hours did you sleep last night?
– 11,5
Do you get drunk every weekend?
– No.. I was gonna say I haven’t gotten drunk in a month but then I remembered I got drunk about a week ago. Also there are 3 parties now in the next two weeks. This year is devilish cause everyone turns 18. I think october will be pretty chilled down though (I hope).
Will you be sleeping alone tonight?
– Unfortunately
Are you okay with making a total fool of yourself?
– Depends in what way
Do you have any regrets?
– Not many
If you died, would people miss you?
– I’m sure some would
Miss anyone right now?
– Yes lol

If I hold your hand

1. Are looks important in a relationship? -They don’t decide anything. Obviously you look for people who are goodlooking in your eyes, but if you fall for the person first it doesn’t matter.
2. Are relationships ever worth it? -Yes. I don’t think you (normally) should regret any relationships. At the time it was what you wanted.
3. Are you a virgin? -No.
4. Are you in a relationship? -Unfortunately not. I’m kind of mentally taken so…
5. Are you in love? -I don’t know what to call it tbh
6. Are you single this year? -Hopefully not the whole year but probably
7. Can you commit to one person? -Yes
8. Describe your crush – Imperfectly perfect
9. Describe your perfect mate- -Smart, funny and treats me well. Also not hard to look at.
10. Do you believe in love at first sight? -No
11. Do you ever want to get married? -I would get married if I got proposed to but I wouldn’t expect my partner to have to want to get married. I just wanna be in love, doesn’t matter if it’s on paper or not. Celebrating your love is beautiful though so.
12. Do you forgive betrayal? -Depends on the level of betrayal
13. Do you get jealous easily? -Not when I’m in a relationship but just when I like someone and I know they can do whatever they want but I don’t want them to haha.
14. Do you have a crush on anyone? -Yes or something like that
15. Do you have any piercings? -No just my ears
16. Do you have any tattoos? – One on my left wrist
17. Do you like kissing in public? -I can kiss but not make out!
20. Do you shower every day? -Yes
21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? -Hope so
22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? -Maybe
23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? – Yes
24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? – No, I’ll only be 23
25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? -Yes
26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? -Yes
27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? -No
28. Have you ever been cheated on? -No
29. Have you ever cheated on someone? -No
30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? -I’d never do any big changes at least. Idk.
31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? -Yaaaass
32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? -No not love
33. Have you ever had sex with a man?- Yes
34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? -No
35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? -Yes
36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? -Yes
37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? -Yes
38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? -Yes
39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? -Yes
40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? -No
41. Have you had sex so far this year? -Yes
42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? -Not long haha, this question is so cute btw
43. How long was your longest relationship? – half a year
44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? – 1
45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? – At least 2
46. How many times did you have sex last year? – last year? 2013? I was in a relationship 4 months of that year, didn’t really count the times.
47. How old are you? -18 and 3 months teehee
48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? – idk
49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? –
50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? -I might actually cause it wasn’t that long ago
51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? -Yes
52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? -Some friends I’ve lost touch with
53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? -No but there were some who thought my ex wasn’t the nicest towards me.
54. Is there someone you will never forget? -Yes
55. Share a relationship story. -This is not about being in a relationship but this is about my ex. I just wanna share a part of what happened a month ago. Somehow lust and some “first love never dies” feelings came back and we had two beautiful and fun nights together. We were suddenly able to talk about anything and everything and the sex was also magical. I’ve never felt so close to someone. I don’t care that it didn’t lead to anything more than a couple of nights. I feel like now I have so many more lovely new things to remember about him.
56. State 8 facts about your body -I’m not skinny, I have nice legmuscles, I’m pretty short, I have long hair, I bite my nails so they’re really short, I have big boobs, My eyes are also big (and my best feature), I have vertical lines on my neck
57. Things you want to say to an ex -Thank you for still being here
58. What are five ways to win your heart? -Be smart, show me you know things about me (that you’ve been listening to me), cuddle with me, text me just to talk to me, don’t be afraid to goof around.
59. What do you look like? -Brunette and short.
60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? -Well my ex was my age but I have made out with a 23 year old so 5 years
61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? -Clothes and hands
62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? -I love when someone can play their instrument very well, so maybe play it? Or play me hehe…
63. What is your definition of “having sex”? -I think to say having sex you have to really be having sex. “Intercourse” haha. If you do other things they are obviously sexual but I don’t call them having sex.
64. What is your definition of cheating? -Anything that feels like it to the partner. Cheating doesn’t have to happen through physical actions.
65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? – Haha I don’t wanna share this
66. What is your favourite roleplay? –
67. What is your idea of the perfect date? -Just to go somewhere where you can talk? Maybe go for a walk and then sit down somewhere to eat?
68. What is your sexual orientation? -Straight
69. What turns you off? -Overconfident people and also if someone smells like sweat or just generally does not have good hygiene.
70. What turns you on? -Good hands
71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? -Hmmmm
72. What words do you like to hear during sex? – I’d rathern not hear any words, but maybe some compliments?
73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? -Come cuddle with me. And bring noodles.
74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? -Good hands? XD
75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? -When my boyfriend at the time was dancing at prom and I went to watch it and after the tango he gave me his rose.
76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? -Probably that I went to my exes friendthingies with his old classmates. Also I just bought two hilfiger shirts for a guy and it was his favorite bday present.
77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? -I don’t mind. I would not prefer a big one but you can’t choose who you fall in love with.
78. What’s your dirtiest secret? -Hehe
79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? -today
80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? -I don’t remember
81. Who are five people you find attractive? -E, V, F, P and Justin Bieber
82. Who is the last person you hugged?
83. Who was your first kiss with? -I don’t remember actually
84. Why did your last relationship fail? -We fought a lot.
85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? No

I don’t wanna be your girl no more

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? -No he’s my friend’s boyfriend So definitely not. Not if he wasn’t either though.
2. You talked to an ex today, correct? -Yes I did
3. Have you taken someones virginity? -Yes, at the same time when I lost mine.
4. Is trust a big issue for you? -Not really
5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? -Well I’m interested in a few… I don’t have like a major crush. But yes I did today.
6. What are you excited for? -The future.
7. What happened tonight? -Absolutely nothing.
8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? -Idk I think it’s annoying if anyone gets waaaay out of control. No matter which gender.
9. Is confidence cute? -To a certain extent.
10. What is the last beverage you had?- Drinking Pepsi max rn.
11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? – Probably 2.
12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? -Yes a few.
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? -Just hang out at dad’s.
14. What are you going to spend money on next? -Bus tickets or food.
15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? -Nope.
16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? -I feel like I’ve changed in the past 3 so I guess I might.
17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? -Probably one of my besties or my ex.
18. The last time you felt broken? -Today a little.
19. Have you had sex today? -Nooo 😦
20. Are you starting to realize anything? -Pretty much constantly realizing new stuff.
21. Are you in a good mood? -Not in any mood really.
22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? -No
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? -No
24. What do you want right this second? -Sex tbh
25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? -Idk probably I would just be silent cause I’d get mad.
26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? -Almost I think.
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? -No???
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? -My friends
29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? -Yes
30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? -No but I sometimes give them anyway
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? -No
32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? -Don’t think so
33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? -NO 😀
34. Listening to? -Gavin Mikhail “let me love you”
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? -Yes
36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? -At home
37. Do you believe in love at first sight? -No but lust or like
38. Who did you last call? -Hmmm I guess I called my friend.
39. Who was the last person you danced with? -Some cute guy in a club
40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? -Lust
41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? -My birthdayparty in June I think
42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? -Hugged my mom bye this morning.
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? -Most likely
44. Do you tan in the nude? -No
45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? -Nope
46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? -Yes kinda
47. Who was the last person to call you? -Daddyyy
48. Do you sing in the shower? -Yeah but not loudly
49. Do you dance in the car? -Depends who’s car
50. Ever used a bow and arrow? -Yes
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? -School last year
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? -No
53. Is Christmas stressful? -No
54. Ever eat a pierogi? -I googled it but I’m not sure actually
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? -Eeew
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? -Singer
57. Do you believe in ghosts? -No
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? -Yes
59. Take a vitamin daily? -Mom tries to remind me but no
60. Wear slippers? -Rarely
61. Wear a bath robe? -Yes I have a cute one
62. What do you wear to bed? -Rn I have a top and leopardleggings.
63. First concert? -P!NK???
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? -Target??
65. Nike or Adidas? -Nike
66. Cheetos Or Fritos? -Fritos
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? -Peanuts
68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? -Long live
69. Ever take dance lessons? -I’ve taken hiphop
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? -I don’t have any idea.
71. Can you curl your tongue?- Yes
72. Ever won a spelling bee? -Haven’t been in one
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? -No?
74. What is your favorite book? -Will grayson, will grayson.
75. Do you study better with or without music? -Neither haha
76. Regularly burn incense? -No
77. Ever been in love? -Once
78. Who would you like to see in concert? -Ellie Goulding or Katy Perry.
79. What was the last concert you saw? -One Direction
80. Hot tea or cold tea? -Iced tea 🙂
81. Tea or coffee? -Latte
82. Favorite type of cookie? -Chocolate chip
83. Can you swim well? -Well enough
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? -Yes
85. Are you patient? -Sometimes
86. DJ or band, at a wedding? -Dj
87. Ever won a contest? -Yes
88. Ever have plastic surgery? -No
89. Which are better black or green olives? -Neither eww
90. Opinions on sex before marriage? -Yasss gurl do it
91. Best room for a fireplace? -Livingroom
92. Do you want to get married? -Maybe but I don’t have to
93. Are you a virgin? -No
94. When was the last time you had sex? – Exactly a month ago actually.
95. Favourite food? -Fajitas.

Get busy living or get busy dying

1: What would you name your future daughter? -I don’t really ever think about having a daughter. I’d rather have a son… But if I have a daughter I’d like to name her Aubree but that doesn’t really work in a country like Finland. Maybe I’d name her like ugh idk, Molly or Khloe or Ava.

2: Do you miss anyone? -Yes I miss some of my closest friends, and a guy, and then my aunt and my baby cousin. I’ll see them in a month or so.
3: What if I told you that you were pretty? -I’ve learned to just say thank you, like actually accept compliments. Cause I know there’s nothing worse than someone answering your compliment with “No I’m not!” or something…
4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? -No thank goodness. I’ve been through a breakup that wasn’t my initiative but it still wasn’t like this. Wasn’t bad either.
5: What are you looking forward to in the next week? -Pretty much nothing. Have finals and music practices and just loads of stress.
6: Did you go out or stay in last night? -Came home at 10PM from practice and it was also a schoolnight so definitely stayed in.
7: How late did you stay up last night? -Probably fell asleep at like 12.
8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? -Why wouldn’t I be honest :D? Yes I had sex a month ago.
9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? -Eating lunch.
10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? -No.
11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? -I could but I’m not going to XD.
12: Have you pretended to like someone? -Maybe someone like a teacher or someone like that. Someone that I need to like, or u know it benefits me to like that person.
13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? -Yes but I don’t know if that’s gonna happen either.
14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? -I don’t know about always but there are people who are extremely good at making me smile or laugh.
15: Is it hard for you to get over someone? -Yes it takes very long and I never stop caring I think.
16: Think back five months ago, were you single? -Yes I’ve been single for 1 year and five months.
17: Have you ever cried from being so mad? -Yeah I do that often. I always cry when I’m fighting.
18: Hold hands with anyone this week? -No :(.
19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? -In a tent.
20: Who did you last see in person? -My friends girlfriend cause she lives next to my house and I gave her her charger.
21: What is the last thing you said out loud? -“Yeees”
22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night? -Yes I have
23: Have you ever been to Paris? -Yes I went this past summer and it was so amazing.
24: Are you good at hiding your feelings? -Depends on the feeling and how long I have to hide it.
25: Do you use chap stick? -Not regularly
26: Who did you last share a bed with? -I don’t think a tentfloor counts but if it does then my ex. Last month. Kinda had a momentarily relapse to each other hehe woops.
27: Are you listening to music right now? -Yes rn I’m listening to Bridges by Broods.
28: What is something you currently want right now? -To cuddle
29: Were your last three kisses from the same person? -Yes
30: How is your heart lately? -OMG this question is so cute and somehow sad. I mean I guess it’s relatively fine, just a little empty.
31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? -Rarely
32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? -Today?
33: What do people call you? -They just call me by my name… Some change it a little for fun.
34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? -COUNTLESS TIMES.
35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? -Omg yes right now
36: What are you listening to right now? -Where did the love go, by Bipolar Sunshine
37: What is wrong with you right now? -I’m kinda down.
38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? -Yes most of the time
39: Do you make wishes at 11:11? -Yes I make wishes whenever possible
40: What is on your wrists right now? – My tattoo on one and nothing on the other
41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected? -Confused
42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? -It’s a dress lol… H&M I think.
43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? -Yes
44: Have you hugged someone within the last week? -Yes many people
45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? -No 😦
46: What were you doing at midnight last night? -Falling asleep
47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? -No I’m happier now
48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? -Rn with someone else
49: Have you ever been to New York? -Yes in 2008. I have family in Westchester.
50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? -Yes.

I don’t love you baby

Stayed home sick today. I’m not necessarily supersick, like I don’t have a high fever or a bad flu or anything, I just feel weak and tired. Probably will be up and running tomorrow again though. Life is going at full speed right now so I’m not surprised about feeling worn out. 

Anyways, I should really work on something at least so I don’t feel unproductive and stressed. Will probably work on some lyrics for a concert I’m gonna have next month. Work on finding the important words and phrases and feelings.

“You trembled like you’d seen a ghost
And I gave in
I lack the things you need the most, you said where have you been
You wasted all that sweetness to run and hide
I wonder why
I remind you of the days you poured your heart into
But you never tried
I’ve fallen from grace
Took a blow to my face
I’ve loved and I’ve lost
I’ve loved and I’ve lost

Explosions…on the day you wake up
Needing somebody and you’ve learned
It’s okay to be afraid
But it will never be the same
It will never be the same”

SO yeah that is some of the lyrics from Explosions by Ellie Goulding. That’s kind of what I’m gonna do with all the songs now. It’s a good technique when you can’t really sing but you want to work in some way. The best way to prevent stressing over something is just doing at least a little something about it. I know this doesn’t feel effective if you feel like you don’t wanna do anything, but really it’s the only way. Trying not to make myself feel stressed and like I’m doing a shitty job. Need to be confident and happy with myself in order to have a great concert!